


Metanoia

by ThornWild



Series: Don't Need You to Need Me to Need You [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Age Difference, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Biting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM, FTM V, Gay, Gay Sex, Kinda, Loss, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon Fix-It, Sex Toys, Smut, So much talking, Stars ending, Stars ending spoilers, Trans V (Cyberpunk 2077), Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vers Kerry Eurodyne, Vers V, emotionally stunted idiots, versatile characters, will instead be posted as a continuation of the prequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:29:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29634678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornWild/pseuds/ThornWild
Summary: I've discontinued posting this as a sequel. Instead, I'll be posting as a continuation of Detachable Penis. Made more sense.————————He kisses me again. ‘Need you, V . . . Fuck, I just—’ He cuts himself off by kissing me again, before he once again presses his forehead to my shoulder, panting with every thrust. I slide my fingers into his hair. Keep holding on. It’s all I can do.The rest of the world slips away. I allow myself to think only of this. To feel only this. Kerry’s cock inside me, his hand in mine, his fingers digging into my thigh, his teeth at my throat. Everything else can wait.————————V decides to head out with the Aldecaldos to try and find someone who can help fix his broken body. Kerry initially decides to go with, but things don't always go according to plan.Basically, the few weeks before V gets on the road with Panam and crew, and then what happens after.Sequel to Detachable Penis.
Relationships: Kerry Eurodyne/Male V, Kerry Eurodyne/V
Series: Don't Need You to Need Me to Need You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177457
Kudos: 23





	1. Archangel

**Author's Note:**

> I've discontinued posting this as a sequel. Instead, I'll be posting as a continuation of [Detachable Penis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122779/chapters/71493510). Made more sense.
> 
> ———————— 
> 
> Needless to say, this contains Stars ending spoilers. So don't read it if you don't want those, I guess.
> 
> Needed to write this because that ending was so unsatisfying when you choose Kerry, omg... My first playthrough I romanced Panam, and the Stars ending is like the only one that leaves you with some feeling of hope (at least of the standard endings; I tried to play secret ending with this character but failed spectacularly, so I have no idea how that one goes and refuse to look at spoilers).
> 
> This is a sequel to Detachable Penis, which is why I chose the title of another King Missile song for this one. You probably don't have to read the first one to get this, as it mostly consists of fucking, but there's some backstory in there.

I wake up in my own bed, for the first time in days. Nibbles is sitting on my chest, staring at me and demanding food. I pet her, glad she’s here; it’s so quiet. I’d forgotten what quiet was like.

Panam dragged me out of Arasaka two days ago. We went back to the clan. Most survived, though losses were way too heavy. Mitch is alive, but barely. Basilisk fried his neurons pretty bad. We found a new place to camp, set up triage for the wounded. Gonna be a while before the Aldecaldos can head off again, as was the plan. A few weeks, maybe. There wasn’t much more I could do for them, so I went home.

Last night, I texted Kerry. Didn’t tell him much, just that I was back home and I’d come see him today. His reply was, _Preem. Can’t wait,_ followed by a smiley face and a heart. He always seems to take everything so lightly . . . Still, I wanna see him so bad it hurts.

I get out of bed, feed Nibbles, and go take a shower. It’s eleven in the morning. I must have slept like the dead. When I get out of the shower and look in the mirror, I half expect to see Johnny looking back at me, like he sometimes did. But it’s just me; my own stupid face. No Johnny. Not anymore.

It’s a nice day, sunny and warm, so I get dressed in a tank top, jeans, and sneakers. Then I kiss Nibbles goodbye and leave the building. My bike’s downstairs in the garage, and I hop on it and head for North Oak.

Gonna see Kerry. I’m excited, like a kid at Christmas. Johnny would make fun of me right about now. In that strangely affectionate way he always acts when it comes to me and Kerry. The feigned annoyance when really he’s happy for us.

 _Was_ happy for us. Not _is_. Fuck . . . I push the thought of Johnny from my mind, focus on the road. I feel like I’ve ridden this way a hundred times. I practically go on autopilot, and before I know it I’m going up the driveway, parking my bike next to the Rayfield like always. I look through the window, but he’s not in the living room, so I head for the front door.

He must have heard me coming, because when I enter, there he is, facing the door, just a few feet in front of me. I come to a complete standstill for a moment, stare at him, take him in. He looks the same, which shouldn’t surprise me, but even though it’s only been a few days, it feels like a lifetime.

‘V,’ he says softly.

‘Ker,’ I say in response, my voice almost breaking. I don’t know which one of us takes the remaining steps separating us, but a moment later we’re in each other’s arms, locked in a tight embrace.

‘God, it’s so good to see you,’ Kerry murmurs against my neck. ‘I didn’t know if . . .’

‘Yeah. I . . . should’ve called, but I didn’t know what to say. How to tell you about everythin’ that’s happened.’

‘It’s okay,’ he says, pulling back and looking into my eyes. ‘We’ve got time.’ He takes my face in his hands, just looks at me for a bit, smiling. Then he pulls me close and kisses me, and everything’s right with the world for a little while.

It doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen. Doesn’t take long before I’m panting into his mouth, everything forgotten except how much I want him. The feeling appears to be mutual, because he takes my hand and drags me upstairs. We don’t speak. Kerry rids me of my clothes and gets out of his own (somewhere it registers that he was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants), then pulls me close again, pressing us tightly together, chest to chest. His cock is hard against my thigh. I let him take charge. Let him kiss me, bite my throat, lick my nipples. Let him push me down onto the bed on my back. He fingers me while we kiss, until I’m quivering with need, soaking wet and moaning into his mouth. Then he lines up his cock and slides into me with a soft grunt.

He takes my hand, laces our fingers together and presses it down into the mattress. His other hand is holding onto my thigh. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and whispers, ‘Fuck, I missed you!’

I laugh softly. ‘Gettin’ sentimental, old man? Only been five days.’

‘Fuck you,’ he mumbles.

‘That _is_ what you’re doing.’

Now he laughs too. Kisses my throat, then gently bites down. ‘Don’t be a wise-ass, kid.’

I hold onto his shoulders with my free arm and kiss his temple. ‘I missed you too,’ I whisper. Then he slams into me so hard I see stars and I throw my head back with a groan. ‘Fuck . . . missed _this_ . . . Wanted you so bad, Ker . . .’

He kisses me again. ‘Need you, V . . . Fuck, I just—’ He cuts himself off by kissing me again, before he once again presses his forehead to my shoulder, panting with every thrust. I slide my fingers into his hair. Keep holding on. It’s all I can do.

The rest of the world slips away. I allow myself to think only of this. To feel only this. Kerry’s cock inside me, his hand in mine, his fingers digging into my thigh, his teeth at my throat. Everything else can wait.

He doesn’t last long, and I honestly don’t expect him to. When he comes, he lets go of my hand and reaches down between us, jerking me off while we kiss until I fall apart, shaking and moaning.

‘That’s it,’ he murmurs. ‘Come for me, babe . . .’

‘Ah! Fuck . . . Stop, I can’t—’ I grit my teeth as the aftershocks of my orgasm shake me. Kerry takes his hand away, rolls off me onto his back, and pulls me into his arms.

‘I’m so glad you’re here, Vincent.’ He kisses the top of my head. ‘I . . . didn’t know if I’d . . . if we’d . . .’ He makes a frustrated noise and falls silent. Feelings are not Kerry Eurodyne’s strong suit.

‘I know,’ I say. ‘I didn’t either.’

It feels so good, just lying in his arms like this. He rubs slow circles into my shoulder with his thumb. ‘So . . . what happened to you?’

I sigh. ‘I called in a favour, from the Aldecaldos. My friend, Panam, she cooked up a plan with Saul, their leader. Former leader. They were sharing the responsibility, but . . . Saul didn’t survive.’

Kerry holds me tighter. ‘I’m sorry, V.’

‘Yeah. He’s not the only one who didn’t come out of it alive, but losses weren’t as heavy as they could’ve been. Grateful for that.’

‘So what was the plan?’

‘We tunnelled into Arasaka Tower to get to an access point to Mikoshi. Only had to do a little bit of fighting, in the end.’

‘You put my piece to good use?’ he asks, and I smile up at him crookedly.

‘Shot Adam Smasher in the face with it, actually.’

He looks at me, both eyebrows raised. ‘Smasher? No shit . . . Good riddance.’

‘Yeah . . . Once we’d dealt with him, I jacked in and . . .’ I shake my head. ‘Can’t really describe it. Short version is, Johnny’s gone behind the Blackwall and I got my body all to myself again.’

‘You’ll have to tell me the long version later.’

‘Mhm . . .’ I kiss Kerry’s chest, wondering how to phrase the next part. I don’t want to say it, because that’ll make it true, but I know I have to, and it needs to be now. ‘But there is another thing I need to tell you.’

‘Oh?’

I sigh. ‘The whole thing worked, Johnny and I were separated, but . . . this body, it’s still . . .’ I wet my lips with my tongue. ‘My body’s still dyin’, Kerry.’

‘What?’ He pulls away, looks at me, and I shut my eyes because there’s emotion there, on his face, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

‘I got six months left. Little more, maybe, I manage shit right. Still . . . that’s six months I didn’t have a week ago.’ Kerry’s silent. I look at him again and find him working his jaw, staring at the ceiling. ‘I’m sorry,’ I tell him. ‘Not what you wanted to hear, I bet.’

Kerry sighs. ‘Guess I was hoping . . .’

‘That everythin’ would be fine? Me too, Ker. Guess life just ain’t fair.’

‘Well,’ he holds me tighter still, ‘whatever happens next, I’m . . . I’m glad I got to see you again. I’m glad you came back to—’ He cuts himself off again, biting his lip.

I take a deep breath. ‘I’m gonna try and fix it. The Aldecaldos, they know people. Thought I might hit the road with ’em for a while, see if we can find someone who can help. They, uh . . . Heh, they kind of adopted me.’

‘So . . . you’re leaving?’ Kerry’s tone gives nothing away.

‘I . . . I don’t want to. I don’t wanna leave . . .’ I’m not sure if I should say it. But in the end, I opt for honesty. ‘I don’t wanna leave you, Ker. I . . . I wanna be with you. I don’t usually fall in love easy—’ I close my mouth, realising what I just said and wondering if I’ve been _too_ honest.

But Kerry kisses my forehead softly. ‘I wanna be with you too, kid. We’ll figure something out, okay?’

* * *

I spend all day at Kerry’s. We watch TV and talk about stupid, mundane shit. We order some takeout, and it all feels practically domestic, which isn’t something I thought I’d ever experience. We go to bed early, and while I’m brushing my teeth (yeah, I have a toothbrush here now; again, domestic), Kerry comes up behind me and places a box on the corner of the sink.

‘Kept it safe for ya.’ He grins—I see it in the mirror—and I spit out the toothpaste and laugh.

‘Thanks, Ker.’ I rinse out my mouth, then turn to him, putting my arms around his neck. ‘Want me to wear it?’

‘Fuck yeah, I want you to wear it. Need you to fuck me into the mattress, V. Like, right now.’

And how can I say no to that? I attach my cybernetic packer and then take him to bed. He gets on his stomach and I eat him out. Then I hold him down, biting the back of his neck possessively as I fuck him. It’s gonna bruise. What we did earlier today was slow, almost gentle. Loving. An outpouring of emotion, releasing days worth of longing and yearning. This is hard and desperate, a different kind of release.

‘Really wish I had a real dick sometimes,’ I whisper into his ear. ‘So when I come I could fill you up, watch my cum drip out of you after. Own you like you own me.’

Kerry groans at that. ‘Fuck, yeah . . . but . . . it doesn’t matter. You own me already. No one’s . . . I swear, it’s never felt this good . . . Ah, fuck! Kiss me, V!’

I do, and he moans into my mouth, his body tightening, hips bucking, and I realise he’s coming just from the friction against the sheets underneath us. I feel his ass contract, and my own orgasm follows his in quick succession. ‘Shit, Ker . . .’ I come to a halt, kissing the back of his neck where my teeth left a purple bruise. I almost say it then, but I know it’s too soon. Know it’s just the release of post-coital hormones into my brain that make me feel this sappy and sentimental. Right after sex is the worst possible time to say it, because it might not be true, and once it’s said you can’t take it back.

I pull out, lie down on my side and stroke his back. He rolls over too, back against my chest so I can spoon him.

Instead of letting out all the stupid sentimental shit in my brain, I ask him, ‘Did you mean that?’

Kerry makes a satisfied noise. ‘Hm? Mean what?’

‘That no one’s ever made you feel this good.’

‘Hmm . . . not actually what I said, you know.’

‘Yeah, but you started to say it. It’s what you meant. I’m not totally fluent in Eurodyne yet, but I’m definitely conversational.’

Kerry laughs. ‘You’re gettin’ there, V.’ He lets out a slow breath. ‘Yeah, I meant it. Prolly that silicone cock of yours. Just fits right, I guess.’

I snort. ‘Sure, Kerry. That’s prolly it.’ I kiss his shoulder, then yawn.

‘You need sleep,’ he says, and turns around so he’s facing me. He strokes my cheek, then kisses my lips. ‘Get some rest, V. I’m gonna get up, compose for a bit, but I’ll be close by, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I murmur sleepily. ‘Go make some music, Ker.’ I’m asleep before he’s even sat up.

* * *

At two in the morning, I wake up sweating and shaking and feeling sick. Kerry gently shook me awake, and now he’s staring at me with a look of concern. ‘You okay, V?’

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I think I’ve managed, and I say, ‘Yeah. I’m . . . I’m fine.’ But then I burst into tears, burying my face in the pillow in shame. What am I, a child? Waking up from a nightmare and crying like a baby? Great impression I’m making.

But Kerry pulls me into his arms. ‘Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay now, I got you.’ He strokes my back, kisses the top of my head. ‘Everything’s all right.’ For someone who has such a hard time with emotions at the best of times, Kerry’s surprisingly adept at dealing with mine when it really counts.

‘Christ, I’m sorry . . .’ I sniff, trying not to get snot on his bare chest because that’s just rude. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me, fuck . . .’ But that’s a lie. I know exactly what’s wrong with me. For now, though, I let myself be comforted. I allow Kerry to rub the shaved sides of my head, whisper reassurances, and finally I calm enough to pull away and kiss him. ‘Thanks.’

‘Hey, don’t worry about it. Did you, ah . . . was it a bad dream, or . . . ?’

I nod. ‘You could say that.’ I let out a shaky sigh. ‘Fuck . . . it felt so real, y’know?’

‘Wanna tell me about it?’

I sit up, pulling my knees up to my chest. He remains lying on his back, looking up at me and stroking my lower back reassuringly. ‘It was about Mikoshi. Not, uh . . . not how it actually went down, just . . .’ I bite my lip. ‘I need to tell you somethin’, Ker.’

‘Anything.’

I give a short, humourless laugh. I’m scared. Scared of how he’ll take this, because in a way, it’s like I murdered his best friend. Or that’s how it feels to me, anyway. ‘Right. Well . . . back in Mikoshi, I had a choice. I could go back in my body, send Johnny beyond the Blackwall, and live for six months, or . . . I could go beyond the Blackwall myself, give my body to Johnny, and he could live out a full, natural life.’

Kerry frowns. ‘What . . . how?’

‘The biochip, it rewrote my neurons, then attacked my body, making it . . . compatible with Johnny’s engram but not with mine. So . . . Johnny could have lived, while I can’t.’ I feel the tears start again, silent this time. They drip off the end of my nose onto my bare arms. ‘He . . . he told me to go, to live my six months and make the most of it. But . . . I dunno if I made the right choice. In my dream, he was angry. Pissed off that I wouldn’t let him have it. Hurt, because I said . . . I told him, a while back, I’d let him have my body if worse came to worst. I feel like I betrayed him, like . . . like I killed him.’

Kerry sits, putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Hey. Vincent, look at me.’ And it’s probably the use of my real name that makes me comply. ‘Listen to me. You didn’t betray Johnny. You made the right choice. Body wasn’t his. Hell, he’s been dead for over fifty years. Much as that thing in your head felt like Johnny, _was_ Johnny . . . it also wasn’t. It was a memory. An engram.’

‘Technically, so am I now.’ It’s scary to voice it out loud. ‘I got blasted with Soulkiller when I went in there, then my engram got written back onto the Relic. If Johnny wasn’t real . . . am I?’

Kerry blows out a heavy breath of air and shakes his head. ‘Listen . . . I don’t know much about science and shit. I’m just a gonk musician. But . . . Khian, my guru, he says . . . He says, we’re not our bodies or our minds alone. We’re made up of both. That’s our earthly existence, that’s what’s real. You are your mind right now, in _your_ body. Whether that mind is stored on a chip or in a ’ganic brain, seems to me that don’t matter. You’re you, V. You’re Vincent. And that’s who you are to everyone around you. To me. Going into Mikoshi, did it change how you feel? About your friends, about . . . about me?’

I shake my head slowly. ‘No. I feel different about me, though.’

‘I don’t think anyone could go through that and come out of it not feeling differently about themselves,’ he says. ‘But you still _feel_. Couldn’t’ve fucked me like you did earlier if you didn’t.’ He smirks.

It’s true. My body still feels like it’s mine. I have all the same sensory inputs and perceptions. Everything feels real. When I look in the mirror, I see myself the way I’ve always been, other than the couple of months I spent sharing my body with Johnny. I meet Kerry’s eye and nod. ‘Yeah.’ I smile. ‘I’m . . . this feels like me.’

‘Then it _is_ you. You’re a whole being. So you may only get to live for six months. But like you said, that’s six months longer than last week. And I’m glad it was you who came back. My Johnny’s dead, and I made my peace with that a long time ago. My V, though? He’s _alive_! He’s real. And he’s right here. Right where he’s supposed to be.’

I smile through the tears that are still running down my cheeks. ‘I . . . still miss him, though. It’s like a part of me is just . . . gone.’

‘I know how you feel, believe it or not. He might not have been in my head in the literal sense, but . . . take it from me, and everyone else who knew him: he was an asshole, but it takes a long time to get over Johnny Silverhand.’

He kisses me again. Then we lie down together, and he holds me. Unprompted, he sings to me—the song he played for me on the boat, with some words this time, though I don’t really pick up on their meaning—until the tears stop and I drift off to sleep again.


	2. Take Me Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've discontinued posting this as a sequel. Instead, I'll be posting as a continuation of Detachable Penis. Made more sense.
> 
> ———————— 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, folks! Warms the cockles, it does. :)
> 
> This chapter references some things that happened in Detachable Penis, so if you haven't read that, now might be the time.

The following morning, I wake up to Kerry’s lips trailing soft kisses down the back of my neck, and I smile. ‘Mornin’.’

‘Mm, you’re awake,’ he murmurs. ‘’Bout time.’

The length of his body is pressed up against my back and I can’t help noticing how his hard cock is pressing against the cleft of my ass. ‘So are you. And . . . specific parts of you.’

He laughs softly. ‘Yeah, I think that woke up first.’ His hand slides down my side to squeeze my ass. ‘Need to fuck you.’

‘Yeah?’ I gasp as he presses his thumb against my asshole. ‘Ah! I’d . . . I’d like that.’

I can feel his smile against my skin, hear it in his voice. ‘Good.’ He pulls away for long enough to grab the lube off the nightstand, then returns to kissing my neck while he squeezes some out onto his finger and rubs it against my hole. I’m still wearing my packer from last night, and it starts getting hard pretty fast when he slides his finger inside. Then he pulls it out, replacing it with his cock, and presses inside me. We both groan.

‘Fuck, yeah . . .’ I murmur, closing my eyes.

‘Love your ass,’ Kerry says, then bites into my neck as he bottoms out. ‘Love making it mine. I enjoy everything we do together, but this . . . fuck, you’re tight!’ He reaches around and takes hold of my dick.

‘Oh, god!’ I groan.

‘I love this just as much as you fucking me,’ he whispers, then takes my earlobe into his mouth. He pulls his hips back, nearly all the way out, and then thrusts all the way back in while he gives my dick a long, slow stroke. ‘You’re perfect, V.’

I laugh quietly and reach behind me to grab Kerry by the back of the neck. ‘I think you’re still half asleep, old man, sayin’ shit like that,’ I tease.

‘Maybe. Still true.’ He lets me pull him forward, and I crane my neck to capture his lips.

The whole thing only lasts about five minutes. I come, gasping his name, and he follows almost instantly, moaning into my mouth. Then we lie there for a while, his softening cock still inside me, before he finally says, ‘Let’s go take a shower.’

The last time I was here, I sat on the floor of this bathroom, thinking I was about to die. Kerry comforted me. So did Johnny. Something clenches in my chest, clutching at my heart, and again I try to shake Johnny out of my mind. No matter how hard I try, though, I can’t. I still miss him.

‘You okay, Vincent?’ Kerry asks, kissing the back of my shoulder and reaching for the shampoo.

I nod. ‘Yeah. Just . . . a lot on my mind.’

‘Still thinking about him, aren’t you?’

I turn to look at him, giving him a half smile. ‘That obvious?’

‘Kinda.’ Kerry returns my smile. ‘I mean, I get it.’

‘I know you do,’ I say, closing my eyes as I place myself under the spray of the shower, letting it wash down over my head and face. I step a little to the side again and rub water out of my eyes before opening them. ‘But you also don’t. You have no idea what it’s like to . . . share a mind. He always knew what I was thinkin’. If he were still here, he’d show up right about now, make some sarcastic comment, an observation on how pathetic I’m bein’ right now for . . . I dunno. Missin’ him.’

‘Did you know what he was thinking too?’ Kerry asks curiously, head cocked to the side.

‘No. Not unless he told me. Sometimes I saw flashes, memories. Usually when I was dreamin’.’

‘Ever see me in those?’ Kerry’s tone is casual, but I can tell from the look in his eye he’s anxious to hear the answer.

I nod. ‘Couple of times. Saw you fight after the gig on the night Alt was taken.’

‘Night he shot a gun at the audience.’

I laugh. ‘Yeah. That was when I was lookin’ for Alt in the net, though. When I first got the chip, when it rebooted me, I dreamed about the night he bombed Arasaka. Saw him say goodbye to you. Tell you to go your own way. And there were other little flashes of you in there, in the vaguer memories.’

‘Huh. Guess that means he thought about me sometimes.’

‘Yeah. Talked about you too, a little.’ I grab the shower gel and soap myself up, wondering whether to ask about what I’m thinking. ‘Hey . . . did you two ever . . . ?’

Kerry raises an eyebrow at me. ‘He never told you?’

‘He said he wasn’t interested ’cause you’ve got a cock. But he also said he occasionally swung both ways . . . I never asked directly.’

‘We never fucked,’ Kerry says, rinsing shampoo out of his hair. ‘Not for lack of tryin’ on my part. Did other stuff, though. Mostly in our teens. I mean, we were fifteen when we formed Samurai, full of hormones and sleepin’ in the same room most nights. I was into him and he wasn’t totally straight, so something was bound to happen. Mostly just handjobs and makin’ out.’

In spite of myself, I can’t help imagining the two of them together, and my cheeks feel warm.

‘You’re picturing it, aren’t you?’ Kerry asks bluntly.

‘C’mon, Ker.’ I laugh. ‘I’m a man who likes men, and you’re both hot. How could I not?’

‘Fair point.’ He grins. ‘Long as you think of me the most.’

I slip my arms around his waist and pull him to me, kissing his lips. ‘I definitely think of you the most.’

Kerry cups my cheek and looks into my eyes. ‘Good. All I ask.’

‘And you?’ I lean in, kiss his neck. ‘You think of me the most?’

Kerry laughs softly. He pulls away from me and almost looks embarrassed as he flashes me a half-sardonic smile and turns his face away. ‘Pretty much think of you only these days.’ The admission fills me with warmth. Kerry sighs. ‘Think he’d approve?’

‘Pretty sure he did approve.’ I start rinsing the soap suds off my body. ‘When I called you . . . you know, when we talked a few days ago, that was right before I made up my mind about what to do. Johnny told me if there was anyone I wanted to say goodbye to, I should call them. When I said I wanted to call you, he gave me this . . . look. He acted aloof, but there was this little half smile as if he was secretly pleased. And sure, he mocked me when we started fucking, but . . . he also said we deserve to be happy.’ I chuckle, remembering. ‘And, you remember that night you sang _Never Fade Away_ to me?’

‘After our date.’

‘Yeah. He sang the lower harmonies.’

‘No shit?’

‘It was pretty awesome. My own private a capella Samurai gig.’ I turn to face Kerry again, taking his hand. ‘I think part of him was kinda jealous, in a way. Not of me cause he wanted you or you cause he wanted me—I don’t think he wanted either of us that way—but just ’cause he had to watch us be happy and knew it was something he could never have. And that it was his own fault.’

‘Think you were a positive influence on him, V.’ Kerry smiles. ‘Kinda wish you’d been around back then. Maybe you could’ve been a friend to him, reached him in a way none of us could.’

I shake my head. ‘Nah, he was a stubborn bastard. If I changed him, it’s cause we literally shared a brain for a few weeks. Doubt I coulda changed anything when he was alive.’

‘Don’t sell yourself short, V.’ Kerry puts his arms around me again and looks into my eyes. ‘I don’t think you realise what a profound impact you have on the people around you. Just like he did.’

I blink, trying to process what he just said. ‘I don’t . . . I’m not that special.’

‘You really believe that, don’t you?’ He shakes his head, then kisses my lips. It’s chaste and gentle. ‘Guess I’ll just have to find a way to prove it to you.’

* * *

I head back to Watson in the afternoon. I need to see Misty and Vik. I let them both know I was alive by text but I haven’t seen them yet. I head down to Vik’s clinic first. I’m a little nervous, truth be told—the last time we spoke, we argued, after all—but seeing him sitting there as always, some boxing match playing in the background, fills me with sudden calm and a great deal of affection.

I clear my throat. ‘Hey, Vik.’

He looks up at me abruptly. ‘V.’ I watch him work his jaw for a moment, swallowing, before he stands up, crosses the floor, and hugs me. I wasn’t expecting that. I can’t remember him ever hugging me before. Still, I hug him back. ‘Good to see you, kid,’ he says softly.

‘Yeah, you too.’ I step out of his embrace and smile. I note that his eyes are a little more wet than usual. ‘How’s things?’

‘Oh, you know.’ He sits back down. ‘Same old, same old. Just work, really.’ He studies me for a moment. ‘Glad you took matters into your own hands. I . . . was worried about you, but you seem to have come out of it okay.’

‘Yeah . . . construct’s gone and all. But . . .’ I hesitate. I hate having to tell everyone about this. It feels like coming out all over again, only this time my life actually hangs in the balance. But Vik’s my ripperdoc. He needs to know.

‘But?’ he prompts, folding his arms.

I sigh. ‘I’m still dyin’. Relic’s rewritten too much of my biology. Alt . . . the AI that separated me and Johnny, she said I’ve got about six months.’

‘And you’re only telling me this now?’ Vik sounds almost angry. ‘Fuck me, V . . . Okay, get in the chair so I can have a look at you.’

I do as I’m told. Don’t feel like I have much choice. And a small part of me thinks, _Maybe Vik can do it. Maybe he can figure out a way for me to live._ He’s brilliant, after all. Best ripper in NC. He examines the chip, performs a bunch of tests, and I lie there, quiet and waiting, because I can’t think of anything to say.

Finally, Vik sits back, arms folded and staring at the screen. He looks grim.

‘So?’ I say. ‘How’s it lookin’?’

‘Well . . . this AI’s right. Shit . . .’ He takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. ‘Removing the chip would still kill ya, and it’s still doing it’s thing, only a lot slower now.’

I breathe out slowly. ‘Yeah. That’s what the Aldecaldos ripper said too.’

‘I can slow it down some more, with more omega blockers. Should give you another couple months.’

I nod. ‘Good. Gives me more time to find a different solution.’

Vik frowns. ‘A different solution?’

‘I’m not givin’ up yet,’ I say firmly. ‘If there’s a way to fix me, I’m gonna find it. I wanna live, Vik. And . . . I owe it to Johnny.’

Vik sighs, shaking his head. ‘“Johnny” was a bunch of ones and zeros, kid. He was malware. You don’t owe him a thing.’

‘I’m a bunch of ones and zeros too now,’ I tell him. ‘I mean, you noticed, right? It’s my engram on the chip now.’

‘That’s different,’ he says.

‘Is it?’ I shake my head. ‘Fuck, Vik, I don’t wanna fight with you. I wanna live, what’s it matter why? Plus, I got other reasons too. I’m not even twenty-eight. I got a _life_ ahead of me. I . . . I didn’t tell you this, but I met someone. And I wanna live for him too.’

‘Well, you’re a stubborn sonofabitch, I’ll give you that,’ says Vik. ‘And I’m glad you’ve got something to live for. I just . . . Short of rewriting the chip so it stops attacking your system and starts restoring your cells to what it was before, I can’t think of anything that might help. And I don’t know of anyone who could actually pull that off. Doubt even the Arasaka eggheads know how. Plus, it’d be risky; they might end up overwriting your engram in the process.’

‘But that means there’s still a chance.’ I grin at him. ‘Don’t look so glum, Vik. There’s hope. Oh, hey. While you’re in there, could you check my testo pump? Wanna make sure I haven’t damaged it in the middle of all this.’

‘Yeah, hold on.’ Vik pushes some buttons, looks at his screen. ‘All looks good. You won’t need a topup for another month or so.’

‘Thanks.’ I stand up. ‘I’ll be goin’ on the road. Not right away, but in a couple weeks. I’ll be joining the Aldecaldos. Goin’ to Arizona first, then we’ll see. They got contacts, they know people. Maybe they can help me find someone who can fix the chip.’

‘Oh, so you’re a Nomad now?’

I shrug. ‘Technically, yeah. They kinda adopted me.’

‘’Course they did . . .’ Vik shakes his head and laughs. ‘Well, if anyone can do it, it’s you, I guess.’ He gets up, going over to a cupboard. ‘Don’t leave without your meds,’ he says, grabbing a pill bottle and tossing it to me. I catch it. My reflexes are still sharp. ‘One every morning. At night if needed. No need if you feel okay.’

‘Yes, sir,’ I tell him and smile. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take ’em.’

‘Good. I hope you do figure it out, V. Drop by again before you leave the city, okay? I’ll set you up with a refill for that pump.’

‘’Course I will. Wouldn’t leave without sayin’ goodbye, anyways.’ I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. ‘Thank, Vik. For everythin’ you’ve done for me.’

‘Well. Just don’t die too soon, kid.’

‘Not plannin’ on dyin’ at all, if I can help it. See you later.’

I leave the clinic and cross the alley to Misty’s Esoterica. She’s behind the counter and turns her head when I enter. ‘V!’ She hugs me too. It’s less unexpected from her. ‘I had a feeling you’d be coming by soon. What happened? Tell me everything!’

And because Misty is Misty, and she’ll sort of get even the things she doesn’t truly understand, I do. I tell her about Saul and Panam, about Smasher, about Alt and Mikoshi. I tell her about going into the well and letting Johnny go behind the Blackwall, and I don’t leave any details out.

‘Wow,’ she says when I’m done. ‘That’s a lot to take in. So, you’re still dying.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay, well, let me read your tarot.’

I smile as she gets out her tarot deck. As she lays out the spread and gives me her reading, I realise I have no right to make fun of Kerry about his guru. Misty’s _my_ guru.

‘The Chariot . . . drawn this for you a lot, feels like. You’re going on a journey, to find something. Something of importance. It’ll be a long and winding road, but part of that road’s already been travelled, I think.’ She lays a second card. ‘The Star tells me there’s hope. Hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for, and hope that it’ll bring you home.’ She lays down a third card. ‘Strength. You must remain steadfast on your path and not allow your resolve to waver if your journey is to bear fruit. But . . .’ The final card is laid on the counter top. ‘The Hanged Man. Sacrifices will have to be made if you’re to reach your goal.’ She looks at me and smiles. ‘Sounds scary, I know. Just remember, the Star is still there. Trust in your own strength and the strength of those who guide you.’

I return her smile. ‘Thanks, Misty.’

‘You don’t really believe in any of this, do you?’ She doesn’t sound angry or disappointed or like she’s judging me, just stating a fact.

I consider her words for a moment. ‘No,’ I say at last. ‘But . . . after everything that’s happened, I don’t _not_ believe. If that makes sense. All the readings you’ve given me, there’s been some truth to them. Could be coincidence. Prolly is. But could also not be. Y’know?’

‘You keep an open mind.’ She nods. ‘Always liked that about you, V.’

I laugh. ‘I’m almost glad Johnny isn’t here right now. He’d never let me live it down if I even considered believing in tarot cards.’

‘You miss him, huh?’

I sigh. ‘All the time. He was a part of me and now he’s not. That was what I wanted, and if we hadn’t separated we would have both died, but . . . no matter how I look at it, I lost a friend who was always there, and that hurts.’

‘You’ve lost a lot of people. Haven’t you?’

‘I guess. I mean, haven’t we all? No one in Night City can say they haven’t lost someone important to ’em.’

‘Maybe not.’ She pats my shoulder. ‘You’ll be all right, V. You have a whole new life to begin. A second chance. Or third, depending on your outlook. Make that life your own.’

I place my hand over hers. ‘How is it you’re this wise, Misty?’

She laughs. ‘Oh, I’m as lost as anybody.’

‘But you’ve been my . . . my guide. I’ll never forget that.’

‘Well, you’re important to me. And you were important to Jackie. What better way to honour his memory than helping his best friend? This isn’t a one-way street, V. I find purpose in helping you, in whatever little way I can.’

‘Well, that’s good.’ I step back from the counter and her hand drops from my shoulder. ‘I should go. Got some stuff to take care of today. A lot needs doin’ before we set off. But I’ll see you again before I go, I promise.’

‘Good. I’ll hold you to it. Take care, V.’

‘You too.’ Then I leave the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've discontinued posting this as a sequel. Instead, I'll be posting as a continuation of Detachable Penis. Made more sense.
> 
> ———————--
> 
> Considering writing a story about Johnny and Kerry and their friendship. Maybe just a short. I have a lot of thoughts. I haven't read the books, so the game is my only reference. I've learned reading the Cyberpunk fandom wiki that the game contradicts a lot of previously established canon and I've got a lot of headcanons about Samurai. 
> 
> One of my friends has an insulin pump. We joke that she's a cyborg now. That's how I thought of V's testo pump. Seems like a nice and easy way to do HRT. Pump would be programmed to release a set amount of hormones at regular intervals.
> 
> I know nothing about tarot, and I'm way too impatient to learn just for a story, so I based Misty's reading on things she says in the game and the descriptions of the tarot cards in the codex.
> 
> Oh, I feed off of comments, fyi. Total slut for them. Knowing people like and have thoughts about the things I write can sometimes make me write faster. Just food for thought. :P


	3. Discontinued; read Detachable Penis instead!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posting this just to let people who may be subscribing know that I won't be posting any more chapters to this and will instead be posting it as a continuation of [Detachable Penis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122779/chapters/71493510) rather than a sequel. So go read that instead. Here are a couple pictures of V!

V is a dork who takes selfies of himself in his fancy suit at Konpeki Plaza.

'Whatcha doin' in the shower, kitten?'

See you in the other story!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a comment! If you didn't like it, leave a comment and tell me why! And if you wanna follow me on Twitter, I'm [@thorn_wilde](https://twitter.com/thorn_wilde).


End file.
